


Police Report: Aino Minako

by SailorPenus



Category: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Comedy, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-15 19:46:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29689023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SailorPenus/pseuds/SailorPenus
Summary: Idfk what I'm doing. I've never posted one of my own works before. Probably gonna regret posting this. Enjoy!
Relationships: Aino Minako/Hino Rei
Kudos: 7





	Police Report: Aino Minako

**Author's Note:**

> Idfk what I'm doing. I've never posted one of my own works before. Probably gonna regret posting this. Enjoy!

Scene of Crime  
Drug store on 5th street, Juban District  
3:02 A.M., February 19, 2021  
Witness Interview: Aino Minako

Officer: Ma’am, could you guide me through your entire story?

Ms. Aino: From the beginning??? 

Haha, uh ok…

Well, you see, it all started tonight- well- I guess that would be last night because it’s morning and everything hahaha-

Officer: Ms. Aino, please continue with the story…

Ms. Aino: Oh, yes, sorry, ahem. Well…

I was texting my girlfriend, Rei- oh wait, shoot. Am I allowed to say that??? This isn’t going to be shown to the press or anything, is it??? See, uh, our relationship’s kind of private and uh-

Officer: Just continue.

Ms. Aino: Hahaha sorry!! Well, anyway, I guess there’s no use hiding the truth! The cat’s out of the hag-

Officer: Bag.

Ms. Aino: Right, anyway. So, we’re texting, right? We’d been texting and calling the entire night. We talked for like, six hours straight!! It was great. We had some really great conversations! 

Anyway, at around 2:00, she’s like, “Babe, I’m horny. Come over.” That’s all I need to hear! I grab my purse, the uh, strap-on, and my wallet. I’m not too worried about getting assaulted or anything because I’ll be on call with Rei the entire time. Besides, it’s just a 12-minute run to the shrine! Uh, she’s a Miko. Plus, I can always just whoop their ass. 

So I head out the door and start running super fast. It’s not nice to keep a woman waiting, you know? Before I head to the shrine though, I make a quick stop at the store to grab some condoms.

Officer: Wait… but, aren’t you two…?

Ms. Aino: Well, yes, but it’s good hygiene to use condoms on dildos to avoid the… mixing of juices...!

Officer: Uh, right. Yeah. 

Ms. Aino: So I pay for my condoms, but right as I’m paying, this dude in a black mask and a grey jacket walks in the store. He’s got a gun in his hand!! I immediately hide behind one of the shelves. He goes up to the cashier and starts demanding money!!! On the other line, Rei’s goin’, “Mina? Mina? What’s going on???” 

I tells her that it’s nothing; there’s just a robber at the store… But the guy in the mask HEARS this and TURNS TOWARD ME!!! He goes, “You callin’ the police?!?” No, but my girlfriend is!! She’s on the other line goin’, “Mina! Mina! Tell me where you’re at!! I’m calling the police!!!” 

But I don’t tell him that, obviously. I say, “No, I’m just on the phone with m-” But before I can finish, HE SHOOTS AT ME!!!!

Luckily, I have quick reflexes! I jump out of the way around to the side of the little aisle. But this dude’s approaching me with his gun again!!! While I’m down on the ground panicking, wondering what to do, I notice that the dildo has slipped out of my purse a little. AHA!

I grab the strap-on and I swing it around like a slingshot like I’m Dildo and Goliath-  
Officer: You mean, ‘David and Goliath’?

Ms. Aino: Yeah!

I swing it around once and BAM! Flies right into his eye like a torpedo! Bullseye!!! He recoils and starts clutching his eye. I don’t miss a beat. I grab that fuckin’ dildo, and just like I do with my girlfriend, I push him down to the ground, straddle him between my legs, and shove that entire seven inches down his throat!!!

Then I start pinching his nose, and if he wasn’t choking before, well, he sure is now! He’s struggling, trying to put up a fight, but I stay down on him like he’s one of those fuckin’ bull things. Eventually, he passes out. 

This entire time, my girlfriend’s been shouting through my phone. She’s lost her marbles! I go grab my phone and tell her everything’s okay. She tells me she’s coming to the store to escort me back to my apartment. Yeah, yeah, ok. Then she hangs up.

Apparently, someone else in the store called the police, because that’s when I start to notice red and blue lights outside the store. 

Needless to say, the mood’s been ruined. 

Officer: …Thank you, Ms. Aino… That’s all I need… 

End of police report.


End file.
